SiteOnline is forever
Whenever I get together with my one of my local writing buddies (and friend!), our meeting generates a bazillion ideas for this blog. We should meet up more often, D!
We were chatting about an online board we both belong to and wondering what possesses people to share so much with strangers. I’m not talking about sharing contacts or market tips — we’re talking personal stuff like family issues, marriage problems, and health dilemmas. I mentioned, too, that my mouth has dropped open at some of the things people admit on Twitter. I’m no prude, but oy!
I’m an open book with my friends and family — less so with strangers, although I know I’m more garrulous than my friend. She pointed out that although this board is private — that is, you have to pay to belong — it offers only an illusion of privacy. You’re not just divulging your marriage problems and personal biases to the writers who post frequently and with whom you might feel a certain kinship, but to anyone who has ponied up the membership fee and lurks. That means one of your editors could be reading about your thorny family conflicts or how you really feel about a sticky social policy.
Maybe this isn’t a problem for you. Maybe you’re the kind of writer who makes a living by offering your life up for public examination. Or you don’t give a hoot what anyone thinks about your anarchist leanings, your crab infestation, or your boyfriend’s 3rd stint in rehab. You are who you are, your life is what it is, and so what? I can respect that.
But my friend’s cautions were a good reminder for me, because I have to admit, I do care. Or rather, I’m a bit of a control freak — I’m just not willing to serve slices of my private life to virtual strangers to do what they will with them. What about you? Add your comments below. [db]
11 Responses to “Online is forever”
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Karen Lynch
Said this on July 21st, 2008 at 11:14am:Diana, I couldn’t agree more. I have found myself about to disclose personal information to virtual strangers over the Internet before; sometimes I do (regretfully) and other times I put on the brakes with a ‘Whoa! What am I thinking?’ self-reprimand.
On the subject, there’s a new application for the iPhone called Loopt where you can not only interact (like you do on Twitter) but it uses GPS technology to share your location with fellow users. Now, you can choose who to share your information with, however, I feel this is such a slippery slope we are all on …
Liz
Said this on July 21st, 2008 at 1:17pm:This is why I tend to resist online dating. You never know who is looking. I would hate for my employer or coworkers to find me online!
I did try it once, and was put off by guys who were fixated on appearances. Perhaps I’m just a private person, but emailing pictures of myself to complete strangers doesn’t sound like a smart idea to me.
Stephanie
Said this on July 21st, 2008 at 1:31pm:I recently came the the same conclusion when I applied to graduate school, and locked down everything within my power to be private (or “private” in the realm of the internet, I guess). I was most shocked about how much of my Amazon.com identity was available on Google! My shopping habits and reviews all posted under my name, some of which I didn’t want seen by potential employers or grad programs! Kind of scary that Google knows all. Soon we’ll be living in the movie Brazil.
Stonewriter
Said this on July 21st, 2008 at 11:11pm:Diana,
Your online board reminded me of an episode of The Medium. A group of business people were stuck in a blizzard at JFK. They all started complaining about their spouses and before long they had hatched a plan to kill all of them with tainted pain killers. None of them knew each others names or exactly where they lived, which made them believe they couldn’t be linked to each other.
Confiding in any group your innermost thoughts, feelings, quirks, desires, etc. can lead to problems. If you really need to talk about it, go see a therapist.
Elizabeth
Said this on July 22nd, 2008 at 2:26am:I wish more people would think about what they say and do online, and I wish I knew that when I was in my early 20s, before the internet became really fast for pretty much everyone, and all these crazy search features became available. I think about things I posted 10 years ago, not really considering then how they would impact my life now, because at the time we couldn’t really predict it would be the way it is now. While I’ve been able to get in and change user info on most of the accounts and so on, I still worry how it could come back and bite me later on. None of it is exactly terrible, but the Amazon history and wish lists are scary, as are the posts about my fitness/diet/weight woes on a fitness and nutrition forum I used to belong to (I thought it was more private at the time, and used my real name because that’s just what people did then). My first and last name are very common and I’ve never been able to actually find myself in the search engines (I give up around page 20), but entering my email address or usernames into a search engine do turn up a lot of things *cringes*
And Karen, the GPS feature scares the bejesus out of me. I don’t think it’s a smart idea. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. etc etc.
Suzanne Arthur
Said this on July 22nd, 2008 at 10:05am:I admit, I will tell anyone almost anything…but online in a forum where I’ve only met one other member face-to-face? No way. I’m too shy. And yeah, Karen, that GPS feature is definitely scary. It makes me think of ‘Brazil’, too. Stonewriter, I agree — this is what therapists are for. But it is a fascinating phenomena, Diana, so thanks for bringing it up. My guess is that it has to do with our ease and facility with the written word, the illusion, as you say, of privacy, and also our burning desire to connect with like-minded people in more meaningful ways. The laptop as 21st century confession booth.
Stephanie
Said this on July 22nd, 2008 at 12:17pm:What forum is this you’re talking about?
cal
Said this on July 23rd, 2008 at 12:21pm:I am more on the paranoid side of these things — avoid saying anything personal or giving out much info on stuff like Facebook and definitely not twittering for the reasons mentioned above. Amazon is troublesome — I just recently realized that the wish lists were public & made them private, shuddering to think anyone could see them. Keeping private but maintaining internet presence takes work!
Liz
Said this on July 23rd, 2008 at 4:03pm:I flinch sometimes when I read writer blogs that give very, very personal details- and these are writers who are hoping to attract a big-name agent/publisher. I became much more private on the web years ago, when I realized that I wanted to be taken seriously, as a professional. And, you know, ahem, when I’m well-known someday, do I really want all those readers to access information about my private life?
Elizabeth
Said this on July 24th, 2008 at 1:21am:Liz, I cringe at what I see some of my favorite published authors write on their blogs and I feel like they cross the line right out of professionalism. One in particular details her medical ailments, problems with editors (with passive-aggressive ranting), intimate personal details…it’s just not good. It’s uncomfortable to me as a reader and I’m not sure what her editors would think if they read it.
Mary
Said this on August 3rd, 2008 at 9:45am:Thanks for the reminder, Diana. I belong to several mom blogger communities, and I am a very open person, but I try to keep things within reason.