SiteAre you offending your freelancing peers?
Recently a writer I know announced some good news to fellow freelancers about a story she’d successfully pitched. A few “congrats!” flowed in, then someone asked, “Who gave you the assignment?”
The question took me aback. I like to think such questions are asked out of innocence, but experience has taught me there are more than a few freelancers out there who’ll take a nugget of information like this and try to work it to their advantage. Example: when this happened to me a few years ago and I naively provided the name of my new editor, one writer I hardly knew launched her own pitch that began, “Diana Burrell told me you’re assigning …. ” How did I learn about this? The editor sent ME a note, asking me to please stop telling writers she was assigning. Ooof. (And the editor copied me on the pitch; I will never, ever forget this freelancer’s name … and not in a good way.)
In another case, there’s this writer who, every time I got a new assignment, barraged me with questions: Where did you hear about them? Who’s your editor? What’s the pay like? Do you think they’re looking for stories on X, Y, and Z? Can I have the e-mail address? Seriously, the questions came faster than sniper fire. I’ve gotten to the point where when she asks me what I’m working on, I answer, “Oh, stuff. How about you?”
I’m not against networking or information mining or sharing market information with peers. What is irritating is when you can’t share a bit of good news about your career without opening the doors to self-serving questions from other freelancers such as “Who’s your editor?” “Can I use your name when I pitch?” “How much are you getting?” or “Do you think they’d be interested in a piece about the high mortality rates of camel drivers in Baghdad?”
Here are three things you should say when a writer announces she’s cracked a difficult market, just got contacted by an editor out of the blue, sold a story he’s been trying to sell for ages, or got her first Talk of the Town piece in the mail:
1. “Congratulations!”
2. “Very cool!”
3. “What an inspiring outcome. Enjoy your achievement!”
Even if you’re dying to know the details, try to control yourself. Chances are excellent, especially if you know the writer well, they’ll be willing to hand you more details at another time. For now, let them have their moment in the sun.
If you’re the one fielding the annoying questions, my advice is to either ignore them or answer with a question of your own. “Why do you ask?” is always an effective response for me. Sometimes this response is enough to make the asker think about how nervy and offensive their question was.
So how do you, dear readers, handle freelancers who don’t pay attention to boundaries? Share your answers in the comments section. [db]
14 Responses to “Are you offending your freelancing peers?”
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wordwych
Said this on August 11th, 2008 at 12:07pm:I learned a long time ago to recognize such gaffes as the sign of a raw newbie. I make handcrafted soap (part hobby, part very small business), and I used to be quite active on a number of soapers’ discussion groups. We always had newbies joining the group and immediately demanding, “What is your best recipe? What is your best-selling scent? Where do you get your supplies?” I for one spent years developing, testing my own recipes and the products from different suppliers, and while I do have some recipes that I share, I do not give out my best ones. I’m the one who put the work and money into developing them to my preference, so I expect anyone else who wants to make/sell soap to make that same investment. I think when someone demands information or - worse - acts like they are entitled to information you have cultivated, you’re dealing with someone who is just plain rude. I totally agree with your recommendations. Some people don’t realize that they are being rude. Some don’t care that they are being rude. I’m always willing to give the former a second chance, but I don’t even bother responding to the latter.
Star
Said this on August 11th, 2008 at 12:36pm:The National Assn of Science Writers has a database of good and bad comments about employers. You have to be a member to check it. I use it sometimes to see what projects people are getting and how it’s working out. As for crowing about some great thing that I got on a list or something, usually I do not do that–and when someone else does it sounds a little like bragging to me, no offense.
DianaBurrell
Said this on August 11th, 2008 at 12:46pm:Star, I’m kind of the same way. I don’t need a lot of external validation, although I do have some close friends with whom I feel comfortable shouting, “I rock! I totally rock!!!”
I realize, though, I’m in the minority. Many writers seem to crave a pat on the back, even if it’s virtual, and I don’t think badly of it, maybe because freelancers tend to put up with so much b.s. and rejection that I’m glad to see someone celebrate a victory.
Debbi
Said this on August 11th, 2008 at 11:03pm:This is an interesting discussion. I think writers (esp. in the fiction realm) have a tendency to announce their successes (awards, new book releases, etc.) as a form of marketing. Blatant self-promotion is encouraged, at least among mystery authors. That doesn’t bother me.
What does bother me, however, is when someone takes great fortune for granted and sort of carelessly trumpets it without regard to the feelings of those who are suffering. There’s a fine line between BSP and shameless hubris. I’ve seen at least one author (who will not be named) cross that line when the person wrote something rather off-hand about their incredible luck and how said person was so absurdly fortunate (we’re talking “New York Times bestseller list” fortunate) it made them laugh to think about it.
I believe the author wrote this with innocent intent (some kind of rumination on how weird luck is, I think), but no clue as to how it could make a reader with serious life challenges feel–and with little thought about how no one is immune from good fortune’s fickle tendencies.
Jenna Schnuer
Said this on August 11th, 2008 at 11:06pm:For the boundary-crashing lovelies you’ve described, I pull out the “it’s a new relationship so I’m not comfortable giving any details at this time.” (Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes, not so much.) Then I mentally catalog my annoyance/distaste/ickiness with/about the boundary crasher and say “good luck with your own pitching.”
That said, like Diana and Star, I don’t usually talk too much (or post on boards) about what I’m up to workwise with anybody aside from really close friends and family. But…at conferences and random events things come up and the icky questions flow…
DianaBurrell
Said this on August 12th, 2008 at 12:13am:Debbi, I used to belong to RWA (Romance Writers of America) and YES, totally agree about the “blatant self promotion” among fiction writers. Good point!
You know, your second point reminds me of some of my writer friends who have these incredible stories of how they landed massive book deals, signed with top agents, got assignments at major magazines — sometimes their stories have this huge element of luck/kismet involved, and I have to tell them, “Look, do NOT tell other writers about this lucky stroke of fortune because they will hate you that it took you a week to sell your book/the agent chased YOU down/you sold the first essay you ever wrote to NYTs Modern Love.” With them, I GET that they’ve worked hard to get to the point where Lady Luck graced them (What’s the saying? “Chance favors the prepared mind”?), but other writers may not know about the blood, sweat, and tears behind the victory.
Ok, it’s late … I’m rambling.
Debbi
Said this on August 12th, 2008 at 9:17am:Thanks, Diana. FWIW, I can TOTALLY appreciate the blood, sweat, and tears behind the victory–especially since I’m fighting in those same trenches. However, when you add chronic pain and disability to the list of things you have to fight (my own situation) and you see people who suffer like this person: http://members.aol.com/bassace906/diary.html (warning: not for the squeamish) — well, it tends to make you appreciate just how fickle fate really can be.
Just so I’m (hopefully) clear on the matter and come across as a cautionary, rather than bitter person, I don’t begrudge people pride in their accomplishments. Not at all. I just think one should never get too smug about them–that’s just tempting fate.
Valencia
Said this on August 13th, 2008 at 2:44pm:I’ve had a few writers and non-writers ask, “how much do you make.” I hate this question and it always sends chills up my spine. I have to bite my tongue because the first thing that pops into my mind is “none of your business.” But I’ve learned that answering their question with a question works wells. Rather than answer, I’ll flip it and ask (with a smirk), “tell me how much YOU make, and I’ll tell you how much I make.” This usually shuts them up.
Tiera
Said this on August 13th, 2008 at 5:26pm:I think that I might be guilty of bringing some of this attention on myself
I know that there are times when I get very excited about a project, and perhaps share more than I should. This opens the doors to more invasive questioning. But when I don’t feel like sharing quite so much, I can feel offended at some questions. A bit hypocritical, eh! I guess I have to set better boundaries for myself!
Curly
Said this on August 13th, 2008 at 9:58pm:Forgive fiction writers. These people are often desperate. Many are drunk or on drugs. Fiction is a corrosive construct, and its practitioners have even been known to lie. I contribute short stories to a local advertiser free paper with literary pretentions just to see myself in print. They don’t pay anything but I tell everybody they give me 500 bucks. Am I so bad?
Debbi
Said this on August 15th, 2008 at 7:45pm:Hey, Curly–
Been there, done that. Believe me, I know from desperate, and I have absolutely no problem with fiction writers self-promoting like crazy (cuz you have to—most of the time your publisher won’t put dime one into your book’s promo budget, especially when you’re just starting out and write crime fiction, as I do).
Me, I’m neither drunk nor on drugs and I prefer not to lie to people, but I have no qualms whatsoever about talking up my publishing successes—on those rare occasions when they occur. And, no, you’re not so terrible for telling “white lies” about getting paid—however, I wouldn’t lie about that to someone in the publishing business. That could come back and bite you on the ass
What I object to is when someone makes it big, then forgets where they came from or just flat out gets overly smug about their success. So not cool.
Curly
Said this on August 16th, 2008 at 3:10am:Debbi, thanks for the comments, and of course I think you’re dead center. Forgive me for the leg pulling - the 500 dollar stuff was tongue in cheek and only to make fun of how serious we take ourselves. It seldom serves any good purpose to lie. It is mostly vanity, wasting time in self promotion. It serves a level of craft that is only poofaroo at best. Better to use the time becoming an undeniably good story teller. That’s what puts real ass behind you. No better kind of promotion. That and a steady campaign of submissions. Oh. And while I’ve got your ear;)- check out Notes, Stories and Secrets from the Shining Reach (Amato Books Press)- they tell me it will be released come winter. I offer it in hope it will entertain.
Debbi
Said this on August 17th, 2008 at 3:34pm:Hi Curly,
Will do and best of luck with your book! A book release is always such a huge victory for us (as in you personally and all writers).
As for leg pulling, I’ve done enough of it at this point so you would think I’d know it when I saw it.
With tongue firmly in cheek as always,
Debbi
Curly
Said this on August 17th, 2008 at 7:17pm:Debbi,
You’re nice. And I wish you luck as well. Doesn’t hurt to get lucky every now and then. A little good luck helps.